We’ve had a bit of a break since the first update due to International matches but now we are back in the thick of it…

The weekend was a surprise-orama with many of the big teams struggling to find wins: Spurs held by West Brom, Man City held by Blackburn, Liverpool held by Birmigham and Everton coming back from 2 goals behind to draw with Man U. If that wasn’t enough then Blackpool continue their dream Premier League campaign with a 2 nil win over Newcastle, whilst Chelsea and Arsenal recorded thumping wins to stay 1st and 2nd in the League.

I’ll let you look for yourself what this means for our fantasy league but as this is the second update… we have movement… and movement means banter!!

I forgot to mention last week that the website is where the latest league table will be put going forward – rather than sending it as an attachment every week.

Each update (i.e. the factual yet amusing editorial above) will also be put online – and you can of course leave comments.

Hopefully it all displays ok on everyone’s computers but any probs give me a shout.

Just click on “Our League Table” (top right) to view the latest scores on the doors.

This just got serious!!

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

p.s. I’m not sure if everyone saw but the lady who made the news last week by putting a cat in a bin, has had her Twitter account hacked, I’ve copied it below for you to read:

“Just passed a shoe shop. Threw one of the sample shoes outside on top of a bus. Why do I do these things?”

“In Tescos now. I’ve put some frozen sausages in with the cereals. They’ll probably go off. I draw no pleasure from this.”

“It means I’ll have to carry the bags most of the way home, but this trolley’s going in the canal.”

“No.35 hasn’t taken her milk in. Really feel like pouring it through the letterbox for her. What am I like?”

“Just kicked the head off next door’s gnome. For a joke. Who’s laughing now though? Not me. Not me.”

“Took the rubbish out. Before I knew what I was doing, I’d swung the bag round and flung it over the fence. I think it’s in their tree. WHY?”

“Lovely coffee at Brenda’s, but as soon as she left the room I couldn’t help tipping it down the back of her telly. Regretting it already.”

“If they don’t want people to do what I’ve just done in the gallery, they shouldn’t sell pens in the gift shop. Sat on coach now. Bit lonely.”

“Waiting for a relief coach at the services because some of the tyres were flat. I can feel some of the church social ladies staring at me.”

“No answer at Brenda’s. Thought she might come over, what with her telly being bust. Bit of company.”

“Her across the way came looking for her wind chimes earlier. I told her I didn’t have them. I don’t. They’re on her roof, where I threw ‘em”

“At my niece’s birthday party. The cake’s in the pond. It’s not going down as well as I thought.”

“There’s a rude word on the window of this cafe written in squirty ketchup. I think the owner thinks I did it. I know I did. Embarrassed.”

“The dripping word I’m sat under is something I’d never say or type. People are looking in. This is the tensest egg bap I’ve ever eaten.”

“At church. Enjoyed the sermon, but kept showing the vicar the finger every time I caught his eye. Not sure he ‘got’ it. Mortified if not.”

“Invited Brenda round for a Sunday roast. Went well. She didn’t finish her dessert so I poured it into her handbag. She can have it later.”

“Watering next door’s houseplants while they’re away, but I only have a rough idea how far I threw their keys after I waved them off. Why me?”

“In next door’s porch. I can see a couple of the plants from the letterbox, but the hose isn’t reaching very well. I don’t need this.”

“In next door’s lounge. Got in by putting the gnome through the front window. All the plants are watered now. Quite pleased.”

“Having a quiet drink at the social club with Brenda. Her handbag smells quite bad now. Hope no one thinks it’s me.”

“Went in to sort next door’s mail, but I’ve shredded things I ought not have. Trying to draw them some new certificates. Guessing the grades.”

“I popped Brenda’s coat on a hanger in Oxfam while she was in the ladies. She’s in a bidding war with another customer now. Bit of a scene.”

Every now and again you find yourself watching or even being a part of something a little bit spectacular, something which you know will make the history books and that people will look back on in 50 years and say “remember when…”.

To give you a few examples, do you remember 2005 and the Ac Milan vs Liverpool Champions League Final? Held at Atatürk Stadium in Istanbul and with a monstrous 70,024 in attendance, Milan were regarded as favourites before the match and took the lead in the first minute through captain Paolo Maldini. Hernán Crespo added two more goals before half-time to make it 3-0. During the second half, Steven Gerrard, Vladimír Šmicer and Xabi Alonso scored three goals in six minutes for Liverpool to level the scores at 3-3. The scores remained the same during extra time, and a penalty shootout was required to decide the champions. The score was 3-2 to Liverpool when Andriy Shevchenko’s penalty was saved by Liverpool goalkeeper Jerzy Dudek. Thus Liverpool won their fifth European Cup. Regarded by many as the best match ever…

Or how about 1999 and the Manchester United vs Bayern Munich game? The action kicked off in Barcelona in front of a mind blowing 90,000 fans, but it was 1-0 to Bayern Munich throughout the entire match, until Man Utd score 2 goals in stoppage time to win the cup. United’s victory was the culmination of their Treble-winning season, after they had already won the FA Premier League and the FA Cup earlier in the month.

Or 2006 at the Cardiff Millenium Stadium, and Liverpool vs West Ham in the Cup? 71,140 in attendance and when West Ham went ahead 2-0, many thought it was all over. Even later on at 3-2 it looked like the match was sealed but Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard scored a goal in the last minute from 30-yards plus to take the game to extra-time and they eventually triumphed on penalties. It is considered by most who watched to be one of the greatest Cup Finals in the history of the tournament.

Ok one more for you, how about the Tottenham 4 Arsenal 5 game at White Hart Lane in 2004? Although Arsenal came out on top in a topsy-turvy north London derby, it was an amazing journey to the final whistle. Noureddine Naybet volleyed Spurs ahead before Thierry Henry levelled in first- half injury-time and Lauren’s penalty put Arsenal ahead after 53 minutes. Patrick Vieira added a third on the hour, and even though Jermain Defoe’s strike gave Spurs hope, Freddie Ljungberg restored the two-goal lead. Ledley King headed Spurs’ third, and even after Robert Pires hit Arsenal’s fifth, Freddie Kanoute was on target.

And of course only a few months ago, 30,000 plus faithful were treated to a record-breaking 9 – 1 game between Spurs and Wigan, where Defoe scored 5 goals and became only the third player, after Alan Shearer and Andy Cole to do so. Not just that but Tottenham scored eight times in the second half as Wigan sank without trace and Defoe notched a hat-trick in seven minutes, the second quickest since the inception of the Premier League in 1992. Oh good times and history was made.

Wow – that was a ramble – so back to last weekend and a very different kind of history being made. Sky showed the world’s first live 3D TV sports broadcast after being helped by the man behind the Hollywood blockbuster movie Avatar. With only 9 selected pubs in the entire country having this honour, it was with more than the usual happiness that I drank my beer whilst wearing special glasses to see the Arsenal vs Manchester United game in an extra dimension. What did I think? Well it had a lot of potential, I’m not sure the technology is quite there yet to stream 3D on the fly by the mili-second, but to be honest – bothered – because in 50 years time when its totally the norm to watch 3D TV, I’ll be able to say “I was there when it all began.”

——————————–

So it’s the end of the month, which means it’s prizes time. Kokbun Lee (£6) was the highest points manager with 271 points in the month, closely followed by Steve Dennis (261) and Chris Lyons (254). The £5 Highest Climber prize goes to Cerys Bowd (up 49 places) with Simon Laesser (up 43) and Sarah Groves (up 40) just missing out. There were also two lucky people who get £1 each for being on a multipe of 100, and they are Leigh Styles and Andrew Oestrich (800).

Well done to everyone, there is now less than 70 points between 1st place and 10th place – so it’s not long before some new history will be made.

You heard it here first, www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

Our home has been transformed into a Santa Claus shrine, complete with 7.5ft Christmas tree, 100 baubels and enough tinsel to ensnare a small army of happy elves. Beer has been replaced by mulled wine, Radio 1 has been blasted away by old school Christmas classics and my fridge seems dangerously over-stocked with figgy pudding and pigs in blankets!! (that’s the cheese wrapped in bacon variety by the way, a little bit classier than the average sausage ones, I think you’ll agree!!)

On the football front, we had European and Cup games last week, the World Cup draw and a full weekend of Premiership drama. Interestingly it will be the first World Cup that has no debutants and has every single past World Cup winner in the mix. After a favourable draw, Englands odds of winning were cut to less than Brazil with only Spain considered more likely to lift the trophy. All I want now is another Tony Christie remix and I will be officialy pscyhed!!

There were crazy scenes on Sunday as Everton fought back from 2 nil down against Spurs to equalise with 5 minutes to go – only to have a penalty awarded against them in extra time – and to see their American keeper Tim Howard save Defoe’s spot kick. Meanwhile Adebayor went from villain to hero, as he gifted Chelsea an own goal in the 8th minute, before scoring for Man City in the 37th. Tevez sealed the deal in the 56th, as the gap at the top of the league continues to tighten. Man U had a fun away game with West Ham, as Scholes, Gibson, Valencia and Rooney all found the net. With only 10 points between 12th place Blackburn and 3rd place Arsenal, this season is wide open…

So in our little league, there is a similar story with just 100 points seperating 20th place and top spot (still held by Luan but with gap closing). Interesting a lot of the top 10 recorded low points for the week, with many of those in the 10 to 20 spots clocking up some hefty scores to apply the old pressre. All the transfers have come into effect for December, giving us a grand total of 243 made so far.

Until next time… don’t eat yellow snow.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

funny christmas

Man U beat Chelsea, Arsenal got another 4 goals, Aston Villa another 5, Liverpool still to play tonight and there’s only 10 points between 17th place in the Premiership and a European 5th spot!!!

Add in the excitement as England and Wales lost to Australia and New Zealand in two intensely close international rugby games – and the fact that David Haye became boxing’s heavy weight champion beating his 7ft Russian opponent – and you could say it was a glorious weekend.

And that’s without mentioning Murray winning the Valencia Open tennis title or Zenyatta sensationally winning the Breeders’ Cup Classic, the richest race on the two-day card at Santa Anita, becoming the first female to win the Classic in its 26-year history!!!

But enough of that, in our league the November transfers all came into effect but position 1, 2 and 3 all stayed the same as Luan, Andy and Anna looked solid. Nathan D was the only new entry in to the top 10 whilst M Davey continued his recent great performance climbing another 3 places into 6th. Dan Jones logged a strong result, up 12 places into the money spots (17th) and both Martyn Jenkins and Dave Thomas rose 14 places, just outside the top 20.

No need to mention names but 5 teams saw minus points this weekend whilst “Aubrey Town” clocked a giant 72 points to climb 30 places!!!

Metro readers today would have seen the following myths debunked: you should drink 8 glasses of water a day, eating at night makes you fat and swallowing gum stays in your stomach 7 years.

So I’ll give you one more myth…

Success in Fantasy Football correlates to your football knowledge.

Keep the faith.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

Do I comment on Liverpool beating Man U… Stoke beating Spurs… or Villa, Arsenal and Man City all being held to disappointing draws?

Perhaps I should focus on the fact that 5 of our top 6 managers are ladies and that there are none in the bottom 10?

Or maybe you’d be more interested to know that in 1843, a Parisian street mime got stuck in his imaginary box and consequently died of starvation?

I thought so. Here are a few more amazing facts for you…

A cat’s purr has the same romance-enhancing frequency as the voice of singer Barry White.

Ben and Jerry’s sends the waste from making ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff.

The original Sanskrit word for “war” means “desire for more cows”.

Babies are born without knee caps.

Almost a third of all people flush the toilet while they’re still sitting on it.

The Bible is the number one shoplifted book in America.

The commonly used @ symbol in email addresses is called a “chiocciolina” in Italy meaning “little snail”, a “klammeraffe” in Germany meaning “spider monkey” and a “‘kanel-bolle” in Norway meaning “a spiral shaped cinamon cake.

And just to prove that it’s not all non-football randomness…

Tottenham Hotspur didn’t have a single player sent off in a Football League match between October 27th 1928 and December 4th 1965.

Keep it real.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

On Monday I started writing an analysis of the weekends football action but I deemed it too contraversial to release. However apparently at 3am this morning, senior advisers woke the President to debrief him on the study, which he promptly ordered classified. A spokesperson for the Pentagon has declined to confirm reports that more than 90 per cent o f the U.S. nuclear arsenal has been aimed at the Cardiff Bay area for the past 8 hours.

So since I can’t talk about the fact that the Croatian Football Association are accusing UK clubs of a conspriacy to “take out” their players, and since I’ve been sworn to secrecy over the Arsenal allegations that Man U used “anti-football tactics” during their weekend win, and since I have now been handed a gagging order on devulging details of how the “diving” trend highlighted by Eduardo threatens to consume the entire league, I’m just going to keep to the boring stuff…

People have been asking for more details on the prizes, and I’m thinking something like this:
End of season prizes will go from 1st place (£100) to 20th place (£5) and there will be an 4 prizes every month – highest points climb (£5), highest position climb (£5), and two others that I’m just tweaking the details to, but which will give the Portsmouths and Boltons of this world a chance to win a few dollars.

People have also been asking about this years transfer rules. These will be as follows:
Everyone will get 1 transfer at the end of September – this is to help with any early season injuries etc – if you don’t use it though, you cant carry it over to a later time.
Everyone will get 2 transfers in January – exact date will tie in with the end of the real-life transfer window.
Everyone will get 2 transfers at the end of Easter – again the exact date will tie in with the end of the real-life transfer window.

Also for those people struggling with the Excel macro file, you can now see a very simple full league display by clicking on “League File” and then “Simple” in the top website menu. Otherwise just go for “Normal” by the same route.

Have some…
www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

Controversially perhaps Blackburn Rovers came out top of this league that measures fans’ tension levels. Although this was put down to the team underperforming and the fans willing them to succeed.

The research measured the heart rate and levels of cortisol (a stress hormone) among supporters of all the teams.

Some fans’ pulse rates hit 132 beats per minute during games – juts 5 shy of those expected on a theme park ride – in the dark – with no seatbelt – sitting in between Freddie Kruger and Michael Myers.

The top 10 went like this: Blackburn, Arsenal, Man U, Wigan, Bolton, Liverpool, West Brom, Chelsea, Man City, Stoke.

What does all this mean… it means get your team sent in… or you too are going to miss out on the rollercoaster ride that is Fantasy Football.

The force is strong with this one…

Although much of the galaxy was immersed in the 6 Nations battles at the weekend, the true fights for domination were going on as follows:

Man Utd 0 – 0 Tottenham (Man Utd win 4-1 on penalties)
Middlesbrough 2 – 0 Liverpool
Chelsea 2 – 1 Wigan
Aston Villa 2 – 2 Stoke
Arsenal 0 – 0 Fulham
Bolton 1 – 0 Newcastle
Hull 1 – 2 Blackburn
West Ham 1 – 0 Man City
Everton 2 – 0 West Brom

This led us to the end of the month prizes:

Supreme Commander (most points): Steve Kellman (250). With mention to runner up Chris Bevan (223) and 3rd Mark Edgerley (211).

Heroic Soldier (most positions): Tom Jones (up 26). With mention to runner up Alex Higgs (23) and Gary Baker (19).

Fallen Warrior (biggest faller): Carys Schleising (down 21). With mention to runner-up Rich Thomas (down 20) and 3rd Simon Laesser (down 19).

Space Cowboys (Fun Game 1): Kirsty Wheeler
Space Cowboys (Fun Game 2): Rhodri Evans

Bounty Hunters (Lucky Dip Group 1): Emma Gallagher
Bounty Hunters (Lucky Dip Group 2): Paul Hollands
Bounty Hunters (Lucky Dip Group 3): Jake Alexander

Until next time….. STAY ON TARGET!!!

What a difference, a week can make… Obama is sworn in to power, UK bank share prices crumble towards the precipice of nationalisation and Zimbabwe begins printing $100 trillion notes!!!

In the football world, Spurs agree a £12m deal for Palacios, Kaka turns down a weekly wage of £500,000 at Man City and AIG end their sponsorship of Man U.

Liverpool lose their place at the top as they draw 1 all with Everton, whilst Defoe scores against former club Portsmouth as Tottenham also take a 1 all draw. West Ham win 3 – 1 against Fulham, whilst Roberts scores 2 goals on Blackburns way to a 3 nil win over Newcastle.

A goal from Berbatov was enough to secure their away win to Bolton, whilst Chelsea came from behind to beat Stoke 2 – 1 with Lampard scoring in the final minute. Adebayor, Nasri and Bendtner ensured Arsenals 3 – 1 win over Hull, while West Brom romped to victory against Middlesborough, Aston Villa maintain their pressure at the top with an away win against Sunderland and a single goal for Man City was enough to secure their win against Wigan.

Hope everyone’s enjoying their Wednesday…

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

Fun Things to do at the Office

- Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”

- Walk into people’s offices, taking a careful look around. Talk into your shirt, saying ‘No sign of him yet, Chief.’

- When the phone rings, answer by saying ‘KBBL, you’re on the air.’

- Get in the elevator and pretend to hold the door open for invisible people.

- Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

- Remove the jug from the water cooler and drink from it periodically, bragging that you ‘got the last one.’

- Photocopy things around the office, such as lamps, potted plants, staplers, etc. If someone asks about it, just say ‘You never can be too careful.’

- Turn your radio up full blast and sing along loudly with the song. Invite others to join you.

- Pretend to be hypnotized by someone’s screen saver.

- Go into someone’s office, grab a book from their shelves, and begin reading it aloud to them. If they interrupt, give them an evil look.

- Use a hole punch to punch holes in all your outgoing mail. Explain that the holes ‘make it more aerodynamic’.

- Bring a lawnmower into the office and pretend to mow the carpet.

- Bring a TV remote control to the office and try to ‘change the channel’ on people’s computers. When it doesn’t work, mumble something about ‘cheap Japanese crap.’

- Pull a chair up to your window and pretend to be working at a drive-through.

- Stand at the washroom door carrying a baseball bat, ask everyone in a low voice if they washed their hands.

- Gnaw on your mouse, make cat noises, and lick your hands from time to time.

- Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”

- Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”

- Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice

- Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.

- Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this.

- When someone says “have a nice day”, tell them you have other plans.

A bunch of European games this week – don’t even get me started on Tottenham’s continuing shambles – I genuinely felt that we could have achieved the same team performance by fielding 5 angry monkeys, 4 lemmings, a giant sloth and by putting in goal a small child with an intense fear of round objects who is standing on ice and has cunningly decided to cover his gloves in baby oil. What a bunch of clowns.

Anyway, Villa won their game, Portsmouth took a 3 nil beating, Liverpool were held to a late draw, Chelsea squeezed 1 pass Roma, the Arsenal young guns ran rampant and got a tally of 5, whilst Man U convincingly put Celtic to the sword. Newcastle and Man City drew 2 all on Monday too. This all means, Jon Ed and Dicky T rise 6 a piece into 4th and 5th. “The cruaders” climb 29 places, “mmm… unexplained bacon” climbs 30 places and the “Alcatraz Swimming Club” continue their rise up 37 spots. A bunch of fallers are grouped together, Oz, Cameron, Leigh and Rob all down over 15 each sitting at 114th to 117th.

As some of you may be aware, we are almost into “Movember”, a wonderful time where each year for charity men grow a moustache (or other facial hair). Apparently it started in Australia but has now grown into a global event throughout the month of November. Its pretty easy – start on 1st November clean shaved and over November gradually (or rapidly depending on “hirsuteness”) grow a moustache. No beards, no goatees, although “ticklers” are allowed!

I thought in honour of this I should share with you this absolute beauty…

http://www.biggerbetterbeards.org/ (brilliant!!)

Also reminds me of that classic fact:

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

Have a great weekend people.

I’ll be starting to grow my Ming the Merciless beard or maybe it’s time to bring back “The Handlebar”?

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

[remember to enter the fun competitions - it's not hard - and you could be quids in…]