(dramatic pause)

First of all, check out the 6 Types of Hug… I am sure we all know at least one person who is a big fan of “The Crusher”!!!

Or if handshaking is more your thing, then you’ll definitely enjoy this link to the 9 Types of Handshake, and will undoubtedly recognise such moves as the “The Hipster”!!!

As for the fantasy football update, there’s a good two weeks of points in this update, but even so it was an impressive display from Carys who gained 205 points and climbed 3 more crucial places into 6th spot, and from Ksenia who delivered 206 points, up 3 and now sitting just outside the top 10. Tom “Badger Claw” Jones made some late but tactical transfers and has become our new number 1 spot person, whilst transfers from Dan and Steve couldn’t compete with this weeks high flyers, slipping slightly down the top 10 leaderboard. Lyonsy now has two teams in the top 20, whilst Millo saw his team jump 5 places into 15th, but it was a fortnight to forget for Stacey who managed to pick up minus points. Rhodri, Angus, Baker, Mystery Girl and Jon Eds all rose over 20 places each but as we know, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction – this time in the form of Rhodri. Louise, Chris, Matt and Emily.

Easter is on the way – the only time it’s acceptable to surprise someone with an egg.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

Every now and again you find yourself watching or even being a part of something a little bit spectacular, something which you know will make the history books and that people will look back on in 50 years and say “remember when…”.

To give you a few examples, do you remember 2005 and the Ac Milan vs Liverpool Champions League Final? Held at Atatürk Stadium in Istanbul and with a monstrous 70,024 in attendance, Milan were regarded as favourites before the match and took the lead in the first minute through captain Paolo Maldini. Hernán Crespo added two more goals before half-time to make it 3-0. During the second half, Steven Gerrard, Vladimír Šmicer and Xabi Alonso scored three goals in six minutes for Liverpool to level the scores at 3-3. The scores remained the same during extra time, and a penalty shootout was required to decide the champions. The score was 3-2 to Liverpool when Andriy Shevchenko’s penalty was saved by Liverpool goalkeeper Jerzy Dudek. Thus Liverpool won their fifth European Cup. Regarded by many as the best match ever…

Or how about 1999 and the Manchester United vs Bayern Munich game? The action kicked off in Barcelona in front of a mind blowing 90,000 fans, but it was 1-0 to Bayern Munich throughout the entire match, until Man Utd score 2 goals in stoppage time to win the cup. United’s victory was the culmination of their Treble-winning season, after they had already won the FA Premier League and the FA Cup earlier in the month.

Or 2006 at the Cardiff Millenium Stadium, and Liverpool vs West Ham in the Cup? 71,140 in attendance and when West Ham went ahead 2-0, many thought it was all over. Even later on at 3-2 it looked like the match was sealed but Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard scored a goal in the last minute from 30-yards plus to take the game to extra-time and they eventually triumphed on penalties. It is considered by most who watched to be one of the greatest Cup Finals in the history of the tournament.

Ok one more for you, how about the Tottenham 4 Arsenal 5 game at White Hart Lane in 2004? Although Arsenal came out on top in a topsy-turvy north London derby, it was an amazing journey to the final whistle. Noureddine Naybet volleyed Spurs ahead before Thierry Henry levelled in first- half injury-time and Lauren’s penalty put Arsenal ahead after 53 minutes. Patrick Vieira added a third on the hour, and even though Jermain Defoe’s strike gave Spurs hope, Freddie Ljungberg restored the two-goal lead. Ledley King headed Spurs’ third, and even after Robert Pires hit Arsenal’s fifth, Freddie Kanoute was on target.

And of course only a few months ago, 30,000 plus faithful were treated to a record-breaking 9 – 1 game between Spurs and Wigan, where Defoe scored 5 goals and became only the third player, after Alan Shearer and Andy Cole to do so. Not just that but Tottenham scored eight times in the second half as Wigan sank without trace and Defoe notched a hat-trick in seven minutes, the second quickest since the inception of the Premier League in 1992. Oh good times and history was made.

Wow – that was a ramble – so back to last weekend and a very different kind of history being made. Sky showed the world’s first live 3D TV sports broadcast after being helped by the man behind the Hollywood blockbuster movie Avatar. With only 9 selected pubs in the entire country having this honour, it was with more than the usual happiness that I drank my beer whilst wearing special glasses to see the Arsenal vs Manchester United game in an extra dimension. What did I think? Well it had a lot of potential, I’m not sure the technology is quite there yet to stream 3D on the fly by the mili-second, but to be honest – bothered – because in 50 years time when its totally the norm to watch 3D TV, I’ll be able to say “I was there when it all began.”

——————————–

So it’s the end of the month, which means it’s prizes time. Kokbun Lee (£6) was the highest points manager with 271 points in the month, closely followed by Steve Dennis (261) and Chris Lyons (254). The £5 Highest Climber prize goes to Cerys Bowd (up 49 places) with Simon Laesser (up 43) and Sarah Groves (up 40) just missing out. There were also two lucky people who get £1 each for being on a multipe of 100, and they are Leigh Styles and Andrew Oestrich (800).

Well done to everyone, there is now less than 70 points between 1st place and 10th place – so it’s not long before some new history will be made.

You heard it here first, www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

Anyway the latest round of transfers have now been put through for the start of January and here is the latest points update:

Tom Jones stays in top spot but is closely followed by Luan, Anna, Steve D (biggest scorer in top 10) and Steve W.

There were also a lot of strong performances from those in 11th to 20th places, with the likes of Ksenia, Carys, Lyons, Kokbun and Millo all recording strong results to close the gap on the big money spots.

Drogba remains the highest scoring player – although his absence with the African Nations, may see the likes of Rooney, Fabregas, Lampard, Dunne and Tevez come through.

Best value player is now R Johnson, but again S Carr, J Craddock, L Bowyer, M Etherington and J Hart are all close behind – all looking to be this seasons top wild card.

So all in all, things are hottening up nicely this season – with friendships being tested like never before – and with some people already walking on waifer thin ice after their over-the-top banter!! But just remember, that win or lose, it’s all fun, but if in doubt, punch a dolphin in the mouth.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/dolphin_punch

Until next week, unleash the Karate Kid inside you…

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

“From the prehistoric Lascaux cave paintings to the stirring symphonies of Mozart to today’s hot-dog eating competitions and action films with comical gerbils, culture has descended into a festering pool of mass ignorance,” said Yale sociologist Paul Riordan.

The panel said the upcoming nadir will be precipitated by a string of smaller devastating events. Experts predicted that the penultimate catastrophe would occur at approximately 7:15 p.m. Thursday night, when the social networking tool Twitter would be used to communicate a series of ideas so banal they will instantaneously negate the three centuries of the Renaissance.

You can read the full story here.

With this in mind, I’m keeping todays update completely pointless, there will be no mention of which players scored goals, which teams are on fire or who the biggest climbers and fallers are. Let us begin:

Today is Carys’s birthday (9th place), Lyons is wearing a t-shirt with some dude attacking an ironing board with a baseball bat (10th place), Tim (15th place) no longer has a beard, Nathan (33rd place) is currently on the phone, Jock (46th place) is drinking his 4th cup of tea, Jon looks confused, Faye has just left the room, Adrian is enjoying some Flame Grilled Steak crisps, Sam is missing, Leigh is scrolling his mouse, Louise, Emily and Liz are all up to stuff too, and that’s all I can see from my seat here.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

…isn’t it?

With only 4 more Premiership games to go and the culmination of the European tournaments – this will be the last time you get to see an updated spreadsheet – until the end of the season!!!

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

That’s right people – we’re going blind!!!

Rip you hair out, bite your nails, get lairy with your neighbour, growl like an angry monkey – but it won’t change a thing.

Nobody apart from me will know how things are shaping up for the end of season prizes.

But enough of that – it’s picture time – and here’s THE TOP 10…

(picture removed – see email)

AND THOSE LOOKING TO BREAK INTO THE TOP 10…

(picture removed – see email)

AND A FEW MINI-BATTLES…

(picture removed – see email)

AND…

(picture removed – see email)

AND…

(picture removed – see email)

AND ALL THE LADIES…

(picture removed – see email)

I will continue to send out teasing updates and some lively commentary – but the spreadsheet online will no longer be updated.

Until next time…

Some things are pure fact (like the placement of a donkey’s eyes in its head enables it to see all four feet at all times), other things are pure fiction (like all polar bears are left-handed) but the vast majority of life falls into that fuzzy grey area between, where somethings validity is really only as strong as the person who is presenting it…

So this week here are the results in our fantasy football league:

FACT: Scally is in top place
FUZZY: As a Liverpool supporter he may get distracted by some hub caps at a critical moment
FICTION: If he wins, he’ll spend the money on champagne

FACT: Lyons has continued to climb up to 4th place
FUZZY: Despite his namesake, he does not roar when he’s happy
FICTION: In his head-to-head battle with Sam, it’s too close to call

FACT: Jon Ed has continued to fall, now into double figures at 10th place
FUZZY: If he finishes outside of the money spots, he may implode on his own trash talk
FICTION: Dan Marshall helped chose his team

FACT: Louise was the highest climber up 22 places into 52nd
FUZZY: Her remarkable performance comes not from her strikers (0 points so far) but from an unccany ability to read tea-leaves
FICTION: She’ll take transfer advice from Jon Edwards

FACT: I’m down 13 places into 60th spot
FUZZY: May have to introduce a free bonus Christmas transfer for people with names beginning with G
FICTION: Will finish outside the top 10 (through fair means or foul)

Hope everyone’s having a good Monday.

Stumbled across probably the most accurate pie chart in the world earlier… http://www.austinthirdgen.org/upload/piechart.jpg

Until next time.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

[Please note that all entries for the guess the total number of points in the month competition must be in by Friday 28th Novemeber]

you don’t have to be rich to be cool (http://img297.imageshack.us/img297/3699/coolmodivatepg0.jpg)

In the football you got a real sense the league table was beginning to shake itself out, with Hull continuing their losing streak and Chelsea, Liverpool and Arsenal all breaking clear at the top. It was a weekend for doubles with Sanli, Anelka, Bent, Nasri, Saha and Keane all bagging 2 goals each. This means that in our table, Scally and Ian C climb into 2nd and 3rd, closely followed by Lyons and with Stacey breaking into 9th place. Iwan and Kokbun are also putting pressure on the top 10.

More games mid week so let’s just leave it at that shall we?

Indeed.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

Well this update includes last weekend’s games and a host of mid-week European action – plus all the transfers (237 have now been used!!!) – so it’s quite fankly off the hook, outside the box, and just a little bit wacky!!! Throw in the American elections and you could say this week will define a generation.

Much like Obama’s great victory, Spurs continue their rise with wins over Liverpool in the League and a 4 nill pounding of Dinamo Zagreb in Europe with 3 goals from Mr Darren Bent. However in the same way that Sarah Palin displayed a dubious grasp of geography when she didn’t know Africa was a continent (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/11/05/palin-didnt-know-africa-i_n_141653.html) – it would seem too that Andy Edwards panicked when he transferred out Bent and brought in Chopra, or when Eddie Stirling got carried away and tried to make 6 transfers and bring in Bramble twice!!

In the same way that Joe Biden was Obama’s running mate, it seems that Scally has risen to the challenge – now sitting in 3rd place – and that Lyonsy has connected with the people – with both his teams unbelieavably in the top 10. Drama? You’d better believe it!!!

Representing the swing states of Ohio and Pennsylvania – we have phenomenal rises from Jack Rawlings (up 42 places) and Paul Ruijs (up 36 places) – whilst the unfortunate loser this week (aka McCain) is Kevin Allfrey (down 24 places).

Halloweens’s gone, Bonfire Night is gone, only Christmas to look forward to but on a more cheery note it has now been proven mathematically that vampires do not exist. (http://www.livescience.com/strangenews/061025_vampire_debunk.html).

Sleep easy people.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

p.s. Winners of last months fun games to be announced Monday – along with this months challenges. Stay tuned.

Ffffwwwoooooooo….

(the winds of change as Spurs won their first League game of the season)

ROAAAAAARRRRRRR….

(the reception that new manager Redknapp got as he came on to the pitch)

Aaaaahhhhhhh….

(the collective sighs of relief from thousands of supporters around the country)

Elsewhere in the league, Liverpool ended Chelsea’s monstrous unbeaten home record thanks to a 10th minute goal from Alonso. Man City saw their big money signing Robinho live up to his credentials with a hat-trick against Stoke. Adebayor’s injury time goal made it 2 nil for Arsenal against West Ham whist Aston Villa put 4 past Wigan away from home. Man U were held to a 1 all draw by Everton despite an eary goal from Fletcher, whilst sorry Newcastle suffered another defeat, this time to Sunderland. New boys Hull continued their blinding start to the season with a 3 nill win over West Brom, courtesy of Zayatte, Geovanni and King.

This is how some of the mini battles in the League are going…
- in the Lyons \ Brown \ Quirk battle – Chris has taken a commanding early lead with both his teams sitting in the top 30
- in the Ward \ Kingman \ Smith \ Groves showdown – it’s Emily who is calling the shots holding on to a top 30 spot
- in the Thomas \ Lloyd \ Kellman challenge – it’s Rich who has climbed one more place into 4th who is the man to beat
- in the Dennis \ Alexander \ Schleising \ Blackstock session – it’s Nick who climbs another 8 but closely followed by Jock in 13th
- in the Millo \ Wheeler \ Brean face-off – it’s Dave who’s top dog in 18th after a big drop of 27 places takes Kirsty down past Stacey
- in the Baker \ Edgerley \ Else rumble – it’s Scally who’s lording it up in the top 10 with the other two sitting in the 50′s
- in the Jones \ Graham \ Baber \ Radford wrestle – it’s Tim who has pulled clear of Ghosty with Neilos and Jack struggling lower down
…and it goes on…

The clocks might have been put back but there’s always time for a mexican wave…

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

Top of the pile is Sam on 228 points with Darren and MG both bursting in to the top 10, with Sibley and Lyons both up double figures sitting in 11 and 12th. There’s just one more weekend of games (and a couple Tuesday I think) to go before the first round of prizes – so remember to post your suggestions for the two Fun Prizes on the website – and send any transfers in.

Rather than rambling on about how Nick managed to get minus 1 points this week or how Jack is sitting in 158th position after picking up minus 4 points, instead I’ll just leave you with some true stories I heard recently:

:: I said to the train driver “I want to go to Paris”. He said “Eurostar?”. I said “I was on telly once but I’m no Dean Martin”.

:: The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said “Did you get my drift?”.

:: I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought “he’s trying to pull a fast one”.

:: I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?”. She said “How flexible are you?”. I said “I can’t make Tuesdays”.

:: Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.

Until next time…

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com