“From the prehistoric Lascaux cave paintings to the stirring symphonies of Mozart to today’s hot-dog eating competitions and action films with comical gerbils, culture has descended into a festering pool of mass ignorance,” said Yale sociologist Paul Riordan.

The panel said the upcoming nadir will be precipitated by a string of smaller devastating events. Experts predicted that the penultimate catastrophe would occur at approximately 7:15 p.m. Thursday night, when the social networking tool Twitter would be used to communicate a series of ideas so banal they will instantaneously negate the three centuries of the Renaissance.

You can read the full story here.

With this in mind, I’m keeping todays update completely pointless, there will be no mention of which players scored goals, which teams are on fire or who the biggest climbers and fallers are. Let us begin:

Today is Carys’s birthday (9th place), Lyons is wearing a t-shirt with some dude attacking an ironing board with a baseball bat (10th place), Tim (15th place) no longer has a beard, Nathan (33rd place) is currently on the phone, Jock (46th place) is drinking his 4th cup of tea, Jon looks confused, Faye has just left the room, Adrian is enjoying some Flame Grilled Steak crisps, Sam is missing, Leigh is scrolling his mouse, Louise, Emily and Liz are all up to stuff too, and that’s all I can see from my seat here.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

…isn’t it?

With only 4 more Premiership games to go and the culmination of the European tournaments – this will be the last time you get to see an updated spreadsheet – until the end of the season!!!

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

That’s right people – we’re going blind!!!

Rip you hair out, bite your nails, get lairy with your neighbour, growl like an angry monkey – but it won’t change a thing.

Nobody apart from me will know how things are shaping up for the end of season prizes.

But enough of that – it’s picture time – and here’s THE TOP 10…

(picture removed – see email)

AND THOSE LOOKING TO BREAK INTO THE TOP 10…

(picture removed – see email)

AND A FEW MINI-BATTLES…

(picture removed – see email)

AND…

(picture removed – see email)

AND…

(picture removed – see email)

AND ALL THE LADIES…

(picture removed – see email)

I will continue to send out teasing updates and some lively commentary – but the spreadsheet online will no longer be updated.

Until next time…

Last update until I return from what I’m excited to call the “Drink, Eat And Dance For All The Time” session (or DEAD FATT for short) so get ready for a bit of a sing-along…

On the 1st day of Christmas, Ian Crocker said to me, I’ve got 956 points and a 36 point lead….
On the 2nd day of Christmas, Mark and Anna said, watch out Ian, whilst we storm ahead….
On the 3rd day of Christmas, Nic said to Jock, we’re climbing so fast, I think my socks blew off…
On the 4th day of Christmas, Alex said to all, my weekly points rock, so now hear me roar…
On the 5th day of Christmas, Marshall said to Jon, give me a subway, you’re falling like a rock my son…
On the 6th day of Christmas, Lewis sung a tune, up 15 places, now I’m over the moon…
On the 7th day of Christmas, Luan said to Oz, you might be ahead, but remember I’m still the boss…
On the 8th day of Christmas, Lloydy felt insane, as he was down near the bottom, but had a cool team name…
On the 9th day of Christmas, Jack climbed 18 spots, chasing his Dad, all the way to the top…
On the 10th day of Christmas, Millo fell 15, now he wishes, Anna had picked his team…
On the 11th day of Christmas, Kirsty said to Dean, I used to be ahead, this is the most insulting thing I’ve seen…
On the 12th day of Christmas, Sam and Quirk schemed, if we’re going to beat Lyons, we’d better play mean…

Hope everybody has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

Beer Tree

Most points: Ian Crocker (309 points) takes the prize having fought his way into top spot with a phenomenal months performance. Special mentions to Iwan (305) and Scal (295) who came a close 2nd and 3rd.

Most positions: James Mills (63 places) takes the dollar having dug himself impressively out of the relegation zone. Special mention to Stefan (57) and Andrew (50).

This months moose award goes to Alan C who fell a dizzying 52 places.

The first fun competition was won by Marshall who guessed 31,360 points would be scored by us all in the month – with the final tally coming in very close at 31,439. This months win was particularly sweet for him as he also ended Jon Ed’s 10 month sandwich win streak against him. The tables have turned.

The second fun competition was again a very close affair but in the end the prize has gone to Jo Clarke for her christmas cracker entry: Why was Santa’s little helper feeling depressed? He had low elf-esteem. This just pipped Steve and What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Nice gnawing you! and Dave and Did you watch the sheepdog trials over christmas? the dogs were found not guilty. Good skills everyone.

To wrap it all off, this month lucky so-and-so’s are Dean Wheeler (Group 1), Gareth Richards (Group 2) and Joanne Mills (Group 3). Congratulations on being jammy.

So, a new month starts, a bunch of transfers have gone in and here are the next 2 fun competitions to get your teeth into…

Fun Comp 1:

How much will I weigh in pounds on the 1st of January after 2 weeks of turkey and beer?
(I’m not entering this competition obviously and I can assure you I will not be doing any dieting, running or low fat options. Lard all the way)

Fun Comp 2:

Ok all you’ve got to do is solve these three riddles:

A) What is the next line of numbers in the pattern?

1
11
21
1211
111221
312211
13112221
…

B) If your sock cupboard has 6 green socks, 4 red socks, 8 purple socks, and 2 orange socks, how many socks would you have to pull out in the dark to be sure you had a matching pair?

C) A mother and father have four daughters, and each daughter has one brother. How many people are in the family?

(All the people who get these three right will be entered into a lucky dip – likewise with the weight question)

Stay classy.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

(Since I am off work until Monday 5th Jan – this is when December will run to – and this is when new transfers will be brought in)

27 days to Christmas!!! Don’t panic!!! Breath deeply and remember that Christmas is fun – it’s about eating so much turkey your sides hurt or watching The Princess Bride for the 100th time on Boxing Day or simply about kicking back, putting on some Dean Martin carols and chilling before it all starts again in 2009…

With that in mind, there are a few teams out there who could use the Festive period to take stock…

Sunderland fell to their 3rd consecutive loss against West Ham, whilst Blackburn saw Spurs make it no win in 8 games, Arsenal continue to see their title challenge turn to dust as Man City gave them a 3 nil whooping, whilst Man U, Chelsea and Liverpool were all held to nil all draws with whilst West Brom have now taken just 1 point from the last 21 after a loss to Stoke.

In our League, “It’ll All End In Tears, Again” has stolen the top spot, whilst Stacey and Anna continue the ladies assault on the top 10 – both up 2 places. The “One Lungs Chicken Legged Klaimers” continue their fall, whilst Rhodri, Keivan and Emily all see good rises in the top 20 but with “O’Sheas Sharpshooters” clocking the biggest rise up 25 places.

If case you were wondering – and why wouldn’t you – about the origin of the word Christmas – it originated as a compound meaning “Christ’s mass”. More interestingly, in early Greek versions of the New Testament, the letter Χ (chi), is the first letter of Christ – so since the mid-16th century Χ has been used as an abbreviation for Christ. Hence, Xmas is often used as an abbreviation for Christmas.

Today’s lesson was brought to you by the number 27 and the letter X…

Have a great weekend people.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

p.s. today is the last day to get your guess to for the first fun question – so get online – and leave your guess as to how many points we’ll all get this month. link here

p.p.s. Looking for a new t-shit, check out http://abduzeedo.com/inspiration-20-awesome-t-shirt-illustrations-glennz

Some things are pure fact (like the placement of a donkey’s eyes in its head enables it to see all four feet at all times), other things are pure fiction (like all polar bears are left-handed) but the vast majority of life falls into that fuzzy grey area between, where somethings validity is really only as strong as the person who is presenting it…

So this week here are the results in our fantasy football league:

FACT: Scally is in top place
FUZZY: As a Liverpool supporter he may get distracted by some hub caps at a critical moment
FICTION: If he wins, he’ll spend the money on champagne

FACT: Lyons has continued to climb up to 4th place
FUZZY: Despite his namesake, he does not roar when he’s happy
FICTION: In his head-to-head battle with Sam, it’s too close to call

FACT: Jon Ed has continued to fall, now into double figures at 10th place
FUZZY: If he finishes outside of the money spots, he may implode on his own trash talk
FICTION: Dan Marshall helped chose his team

FACT: Louise was the highest climber up 22 places into 52nd
FUZZY: Her remarkable performance comes not from her strikers (0 points so far) but from an unccany ability to read tea-leaves
FICTION: She’ll take transfer advice from Jon Edwards

FACT: I’m down 13 places into 60th spot
FUZZY: May have to introduce a free bonus Christmas transfer for people with names beginning with G
FICTION: Will finish outside the top 10 (through fair means or foul)

Hope everyone’s having a good Monday.

Stumbled across probably the most accurate pie chart in the world earlier… http://www.austinthirdgen.org/upload/piechart.jpg

Until next time.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

[Please note that all entries for the guess the total number of points in the month competition must be in by Friday 28th Novemeber]

A bunch of European games this week – don’t even get me started on Tottenham’s continuing shambles – I genuinely felt that we could have achieved the same team performance by fielding 5 angry monkeys, 4 lemmings, a giant sloth and by putting in goal a small child with an intense fear of round objects who is standing on ice and has cunningly decided to cover his gloves in baby oil. What a bunch of clowns.

Anyway, Villa won their game, Portsmouth took a 3 nil beating, Liverpool were held to a late draw, Chelsea squeezed 1 pass Roma, the Arsenal young guns ran rampant and got a tally of 5, whilst Man U convincingly put Celtic to the sword. Newcastle and Man City drew 2 all on Monday too. This all means, Jon Ed and Dicky T rise 6 a piece into 4th and 5th. “The cruaders” climb 29 places, “mmm… unexplained bacon” climbs 30 places and the “Alcatraz Swimming Club” continue their rise up 37 spots. A bunch of fallers are grouped together, Oz, Cameron, Leigh and Rob all down over 15 each sitting at 114th to 117th.

As some of you may be aware, we are almost into “Movember”, a wonderful time where each year for charity men grow a moustache (or other facial hair). Apparently it started in Australia but has now grown into a global event throughout the month of November. Its pretty easy – start on 1st November clean shaved and over November gradually (or rapidly depending on “hirsuteness”) grow a moustache. No beards, no goatees, although “ticklers” are allowed!

I thought in honour of this I should share with you this absolute beauty…

http://www.biggerbetterbeards.org/ (brilliant!!)

Also reminds me of that classic fact:

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

Have a great weekend people.

I’ll be starting to grow my Ming the Merciless beard or maybe it’s time to bring back “The Handlebar”?

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

[remember to enter the fun competitions - it's not hard - and you could be quids in…]

Well I apologise for the little delay in this update – but it’s all because of something I call the panic effect. In the same way the world’s financial markets have been brought to their knees by people losing confidence in the integrity of their banks, so it would seem a lot of you, have been spooked in to a crazed rush of early season transfers. 86 of them in fact!!! So it’s taken me a few extra minutes to literally swim through the tears of managers lamenting an early injury or sub-hero-performances and key in all these player movements – and some of you should hang your heads in shame… in fact I can’t even look you in the eye’s I’m so embarassed for you.

So at the end of week 1 in October, here are the scores on the doors:

Big Bird United remains top but this time with Gary and Jonny Ed taking the next two podium positions. Like a slap in the face though “My mum’s got bigger guns than Jonny Eds” has burst into the top 10 up 17 places, whilst Claire McG and yours truly recorded some tidy rises of up 62 places and up 54 places respectively. However it would seem money can’t buy you happiness as last months cash winners – Neil, Rawlings, Baker and TJ all fell down the rankings. (For the record lads, I am open to bribery and am quite partial to iced donuts from Tesco’s).

Well that’s it for now…

Be brave.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

——————————————–

Remember the transfer rules are strict:

:: If you send a transfer on the 1st of the month – it will not go in until the end of that month. So get your transfers in before the end of the month.
:: Any transfers that I receive that don’t work – i.e. you go over your £50m limit or have more than 2 players from one team – will not be included.
:: Also when sending transfers please include the player numbers of those you are removing and bringing in.