(dramatic pause)

First of all, check out the 6 Types of Hug… I am sure we all know at least one person who is a big fan of “The Crusher”!!!

Or if handshaking is more your thing, then you’ll definitely enjoy this link to the 9 Types of Handshake, and will undoubtedly recognise such moves as the “The Hipster”!!!

As for the fantasy football update, there’s a good two weeks of points in this update, but even so it was an impressive display from Carys who gained 205 points and climbed 3 more crucial places into 6th spot, and from Ksenia who delivered 206 points, up 3 and now sitting just outside the top 10. Tom “Badger Claw” Jones made some late but tactical transfers and has become our new number 1 spot person, whilst transfers from Dan and Steve couldn’t compete with this weeks high flyers, slipping slightly down the top 10 leaderboard. Lyonsy now has two teams in the top 20, whilst Millo saw his team jump 5 places into 15th, but it was a fortnight to forget for Stacey who managed to pick up minus points. Rhodri, Angus, Baker, Mystery Girl and Jon Eds all rose over 20 places each but as we know, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction – this time in the form of Rhodri. Louise, Chris, Matt and Emily.

Easter is on the way – the only time it’s acceptable to surprise someone with an egg.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

Anyway the latest round of transfers have now been put through for the start of January and here is the latest points update:

Tom Jones stays in top spot but is closely followed by Luan, Anna, Steve D (biggest scorer in top 10) and Steve W.

There were also a lot of strong performances from those in 11th to 20th places, with the likes of Ksenia, Carys, Lyons, Kokbun and Millo all recording strong results to close the gap on the big money spots.

Drogba remains the highest scoring player – although his absence with the African Nations, may see the likes of Rooney, Fabregas, Lampard, Dunne and Tevez come through.

Best value player is now R Johnson, but again S Carr, J Craddock, L Bowyer, M Etherington and J Hart are all close behind – all looking to be this seasons top wild card.

So all in all, things are hottening up nicely this season – with friendships being tested like never before – and with some people already walking on waifer thin ice after their over-the-top banter!! But just remember, that win or lose, it’s all fun, but if in doubt, punch a dolphin in the mouth.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/dolphin_punch

Until next week, unleash the Karate Kid inside you…

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

Before anything else, I just wanted to ask the 75 of you who chose the now injured Owen, whether these words mean anything to you…

Eggs? Basket? All Yours? In One?

Not working for you? How about a pictorial representation…

Anyway the month ended with some drama, as I managed to get exactly zero points during the week, which means that Anna goes top, Luan second, Joanna climbs into 5th, whilst Carys and Faye take 6th and 7th. In fact you could say the ladies are seriously bossing it this year. Great skills.

In terms of the first set of monthly prizes, that means that Anna takes the highest points prize (£5). Normally there would be a highest position climed prize aswell but we never do that in the first month as it’s always the same person. The third regular set of prizes is what I call “The Zero Zero Bonus” – basically anyone who finishes a month on a points total that is an exact hundred gets a quid. So this month, Michael J Davey, Gerard Crispie and Mathew James all grab £1 for finishing the month on an even 300 points. The fourth prize each month is at my discretion, it could be a fun quiz competition, it could be a lucky dip or it could be a prize awarded for special effort or skills. Anyway this month, the prize goes to Sam Brown as he was the only manager to choose a team that contains the three top scoring players, namely Rooney, Drogba and Torres. Well done to everyone – who knows, maybe I’ll even throw in some more prizes…

All the transfers I have received will come into effect before this weekends games.

Stay frosty.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

GOAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!

It was a beast of a weekend in the Premiership with 33 goals to thrill the crowds including a hatrick from Torres during the 7 goal match against Hull, 4 goals from the mightly Robbie Keane during Spurs 5 nil demolition of Burnley, and a raft of goals from the likes of Van Persie, Gerrard, Babel, Geovanni, Saha, Berbatov, O’Shea, Jenas, Bramble, Drogba, Bent, Jones, Samba, Dunn and Agbonlahor!!!

So back in our magical league, it was a massive case of mixed fortunes, as you can see…

“El Nino’s A Coming” up 78 points and 49 places
“Champagne Super Rovers” up 76 points and 46 places
“Cupcake Cuties” up 75 points and 45 places
“Bees Knees” up 69 points and 39 places
“Shinys Giants” up 67 points and 37 places

“Bayern Bru 2″ down 4 points and 42 places
“Weezeh’s Wanderers” down 2 points and 39 places
“Airwolf” down 1 point and 37 places
“Sarah’s Guys” down 1 point and 34 places

At the top of the league, Faye and Millo both enter the top 10, whilst Luan climbs into 2nd place and Carys also performs strongly climbing to 5th.

Due to the fact that the weekend is falling mid-week, I will accept transfers for next month, up to the end of this Friday with transfers coming into effect for the weekends games. All you have to do is drop me an e-mail with the name(s) and number(s) of the player(s) you want out and the name(s) and number(s) of the player(s) you want in. Remember your team must still add up to £50m or less.

Also if you haven’t already done so, please transfer in your team entry money.

Monday’s just got a whole lot better.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

“From the prehistoric Lascaux cave paintings to the stirring symphonies of Mozart to today’s hot-dog eating competitions and action films with comical gerbils, culture has descended into a festering pool of mass ignorance,” said Yale sociologist Paul Riordan.

The panel said the upcoming nadir will be precipitated by a string of smaller devastating events. Experts predicted that the penultimate catastrophe would occur at approximately 7:15 p.m. Thursday night, when the social networking tool Twitter would be used to communicate a series of ideas so banal they will instantaneously negate the three centuries of the Renaissance.

You can read the full story here.

With this in mind, I’m keeping todays update completely pointless, there will be no mention of which players scored goals, which teams are on fire or who the biggest climbers and fallers are. Let us begin:

Today is Carys’s birthday (9th place), Lyons is wearing a t-shirt with some dude attacking an ironing board with a baseball bat (10th place), Tim (15th place) no longer has a beard, Nathan (33rd place) is currently on the phone, Jock (46th place) is drinking his 4th cup of tea, Jon looks confused, Faye has just left the room, Adrian is enjoying some Flame Grilled Steak crisps, Sam is missing, Leigh is scrolling his mouse, Louise, Emily and Liz are all up to stuff too, and that’s all I can see from my seat here.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

…isn’t it?

The force is strong with this one…

Although much of the galaxy was immersed in the 6 Nations battles at the weekend, the true fights for domination were going on as follows:

Man Utd 0 – 0 Tottenham (Man Utd win 4-1 on penalties)
Middlesbrough 2 – 0 Liverpool
Chelsea 2 – 1 Wigan
Aston Villa 2 – 2 Stoke
Arsenal 0 – 0 Fulham
Bolton 1 – 0 Newcastle
Hull 1 – 2 Blackburn
West Ham 1 – 0 Man City
Everton 2 – 0 West Brom

This led us to the end of the month prizes:

Supreme Commander (most points): Steve Kellman (250). With mention to runner up Chris Bevan (223) and 3rd Mark Edgerley (211).

Heroic Soldier (most positions): Tom Jones (up 26). With mention to runner up Alex Higgs (23) and Gary Baker (19).

Fallen Warrior (biggest faller): Carys Schleising (down 21). With mention to runner-up Rich Thomas (down 20) and 3rd Simon Laesser (down 19).

Space Cowboys (Fun Game 1): Kirsty Wheeler
Space Cowboys (Fun Game 2): Rhodri Evans

Bounty Hunters (Lucky Dip Group 1): Emma Gallagher
Bounty Hunters (Lucky Dip Group 2): Paul Hollands
Bounty Hunters (Lucky Dip Group 3): Jake Alexander

Until next time….. STAY ON TARGET!!!

It’s the end of the first month and here are the first round of prizes:

:: Highest Position Climber: Big Bird United (£10)
:: Biggest Position Faller: Experimental XI (£2)

:: Fun Contest 1 Winner (Add A Caption): Baker (£5)
– “even though it was windy, Bush regretted using superglue to style his hair.”

:: Fun Contest 2 Winner (Complete The Headline): Roly (£5)
– “Gordon Brown wants to eat tramps in bid to clean up london’s streets”

:: Lucky Dip Winner (1st League – random from the top 54 places): Schling-a-ling FC (£5)
:: Lucky Dip Winner (2nd League – random from 55th to 108th places): The Revenge of the Badger Claw (£4)
:: Lucky Dip Winner (3rd League – random from 109th to 162nd places): Total Niall Solutions (£3)

* As always, in the first month, there is no Biggest Points climber as this is the same as Highest Position Climber.

Not to be outdone by his brother taking the prestigious title of Welsh Air Guitar Champion (see ITV for all the glory), Andrew has stormed to the top as our first month champion, with Baker and Roly picking up some dosh as this months funny fools, Carys, Tom and Neil all proving they are jammy so-and-so’s and James picking up a consoloation prize having finished this first month at the bottom.

The ladies saw a strong end to the month with both MG and Anna in the top 10, Rebecca up 47, Stacey up 49, Emily up 30, Carys up 29, Sian up 43 and it goes on…

Another update coming on Monday which will include all the games since the beginning of the month as well as a large number of transfers that were received in time and if that wasn’t enough, expect two more fun contests…

Exciting times.

Have a good weekend.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com

Before I give you the latest update, I invite you all to take part in this most enjoyable of days: International Talk Like A Pirate Day – so go on, say “Arghh – shiver me timbers matey!!!” to the person next to you – and bask in their surprise. And if you’re looking to start your own crew, check out http://www.talklikeapirate.com/.

The European games saw Man U and Arsenal both held to draws – arghhh – whilst Spurs notched up their first win of the season thanks to a late goal from Bent – arghhh. Portsmouth triumped 2 nill thanks to a Defoe rampage – arghhh – whilst 2 goals from Jo saw Man City steal a sweet victory – arghh. An absolute screamer from Castillo ensured Everton a 2 all draw – arghhh – whilst Aston Villa came from behind to win 3 – 1 against a 9 man team – ARGHH!!!

Ok, let’s not overcook it… In the League, “Big Bird United” take the lead, with “Bab to the Future” continuing their meteoric rise up another 43 places into 10th. From the same old school team, Nick remains stable in 6th, with “Obi Wan – Kenobi Nil” up another 16 in 15th place with “AC A Little Silhouette of a Man” one place behind. This gang of pirates, is finished off with strong performances from “Schling-a-ling FC” up 38 places in 34th and “The Peoples Club” in 39th place. Only time will tell whether they rule the High Seas or walk the plank of shame…

Have a great weekend everyone.

www.thisisfantasyfootball.com